Compelled...

Anyone who isn't willing to accept me for who I am or what I believe in, should stop reading here.



It was a dark and stormy night.. Alone I sat in my room..

More to the point, alone I was in my room watching a movie. I had just started it, and I do have to say it looked like it might be interesting. The name of the movie? It is of no importance to this story... This story continues about what happened while I was laying to watch the movie....

Alone I lay in my room, a movie on the screen. My attention quickly drifted from my monitor to the window as I saw the brief flash of lighting on my surroundings. I saw it. At that moment the feelings inside of me had taken control. It was raining... My first instinct is to avoid the rain and stay dry. But this time something was different. I don't know how to explain it, but I was pulled outside. Before I left the door I pulled a smudge stick out of my box and slid it along with a box of matches into my robe pocket. Somehow I just knew I would be needing it, but still to this moment I was unsure of why.

I briefly surveyed what I had to put on my feet. This is a strange place I'm in, and I wouldn't trust my feet to this ground. I saw my pair of sandals, and slipped those on. I walked out of my room and to the door. Standing at the door I looked outside. Rain, accented by the flashes of lightning and the crackling sound of thunder... Outside... Me... Why would I want to walk out into the rain where I knew that I would proceed to get soaked without hesitation from the skies that were opening up. Even though I'm the type of person that usually darts from building to building to keep dry, this time I stepped out into the night... I felt it immediately. The rain washing over my robe, over my body... I knew tonight was different. I looked to my hand to realise that I had also grabbed a hematite from my box, and was still holding it. The almost metallic rock was cool against my hand.

I haven't walked around the camp area much at all, but I knew we were surrounded by buildings and roads. Unsure of where my destination was I started walking out. Shortly I came to a field that I hadn't noticed before. Not a big field mind you, just a small one.. Maybe 50 meters square, littered with several large trees. I stopped almost dead center, turned a circle, and felt the rain wash over me.... I knew this was where I was drawn to. I started to get the feeling of why...

Over the past several weeks, probably longer I know that I have been harboring negative emotions. Not specifically towards any one person, but I know they have been inside of me. This was starting to take its own toll on my body. I was sore, strained, and stressed. Tonight suddenly I knew that would end. That's why I was here.

After brief meditation I reached into my pocket where I had secured the sage. I lit the smudge stick from the cover of the rain, which had lightened just enough for me to do so. With the smoking sage in one hand, and my hematite in the other, I let the smoke wash over me. Combined with the rain, my mindset, and the energies of all that surrounded me... I let go. Like a mass exodus from my body, I felt the stress and tension drain. My neck, which had been constantly bothering me, started to loosen. My mind which had been in a constant scramble unsure of which way was up... Regained it's direction... I was becoming me again. The sage had been burning now for a while, and was smoking to it's almost end. Held in my hand I knew it would get very uncomfortable soon. I pushed the last string that bound it together off and spread the remainder of it back to the earth. My time here tonight was coming to an end, just like the rain was.

I had a slow walk back, after taking a minute to orientate myself of where I had come from. Wet from head to toe I returned back to my room. My robe I loosed and hung from the bed, my sandals I left by the side of the carpet that I had place along my bed. Tonight I knew I would sleep well... I would sleep at peace. I lied down again, this time turning off the power to the movie first. I knew that I wouldn't be needing to listen to anything but myself as I slept tonight.

My eyes closed...

My thoughts returned to the field I was in not that long ago...

The day was over, the night had taken me...