Deficiencies...

I have recently come to figure out that I have had some vitamin deficiencies. This was not what a doctor told me, but by self deduction. I guess I could say that I have not been feeling myself recently. My mind has been slower, my moods have been different. Then I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom, and saw the bottle of multi-vitamins. I figured that I may as well take one. I didn't know what for... but why not right?

The next day I took another multi, and noticed that my thinking was back to its normal process. My mind was quick again, and I was able to focus on things alot more clearly. The only thing that I had changed, was taking some vitamins.

So with that aside, onto the next topic.

I have recently been informed that I am not to attend the conference in Orlando FL. Earlier this year I had planned on this conference, so that I could go to a resort immediatly after. So with this, I am just heading straight to the resort... Such a shame right?

And the last topic. Recently I have been trying to get myself a new job. It looks promising so far. The job closes on the 8th, so I should hear more closer to and soon after that time. From the feelings I have been getting, I have a good shot at getting it. But that doesn't stop me from asking all of you to keep me in your thoughts.

So now that the random rambling is done...

I'm off

Zombie Protests

"What do we want?"

"Braaaaaaaains!"

"No, guys. We're want equal rights for zombies. Let's try this again. What do we want?"

"Braaaaaaaains!"

*sigh*

http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/generic/ae5e/

Time

Recently I have become aware of something. I actually find it quite disturbing because it constantly throws my mind for a loop. People always talk about Deja-vu. The feeling that you are experiencing something that you already have. I, however, get this feeling more than most. Most people get deja-vu because they have been through something similar before. I have come to realise this isn't why I have this feeling so often.

It seems that my mind has trouble storing time along with memories. I didn't come upon this conclusion because of doctors or experiments, but because of an accidental realisation. There was a day that I had met someone for the first time. I know for a fact that I had not met this person before. But during that event, I had a flash of deja-vu. I had experienced this exact event before, down to where and everything I was wearing. While I knew this wasn't possible, I knew that the memory seemed like it came from a more distant time. I couldn't place when, but I had absolutly known that it was not because it had just happened.

Later on I had contemplated on this event, and how I might have experienced it before. This isn't the first time this instant deja-vu has happened to me. I have definatly experienced it before and I knew it. Looking back on it both before and now, I have come to two possible conclusions. Either one, I cannot seem to associate time with events properly. Or two, I can see the future and I don't realise it until it happens.

I'm thinking that it's the first. Why can I not seem to get this time down? I really have no clue at all. But I do think that soon I am going to seek proffesional advice for this. We'll see what goes on later. It always seems that we each have our own issues.

Imperfect Perfection

Imperfect Rose by *Finire on deviantART

A while ago I had posted this picture, and then forgot about it. Recently I have been thinking about the rose though. Sadly, now the season for that rose has passed, and it is no longer. But the picture that I had taken preserved the sight, and feelings that this rose brings inside of me.

Imperfect Perfection.

At first I had simply seen this rose as a flower, beautiful, but marred. Contemplation on this rose though, has shown me that I need to think past where I have before. The flower has its damages, holes, and blemishes. But I look at it, and know that I have the same things in my life. Writing this now some of my faults come to mind, but to save this for going on 10 pages, I won't list them.

I have come to the decision though, that I need to start accepting people for who they are, there imperfect selves. On top of all of that, I need to come to accept myself more as who I am, with my faults. I know I must continue to strive to become a better person each day, but while I'm at it, I need to let myself accept me for who I am.

Now, Speaking of life changes, I ask that each of you who read this keep me in mind over the next several weeks as I will be hoping to hear back from a job. I have recieved the full support of my amazing boss for this new job, now I just need to convince the people that do the hiring that I am the best for the job.

Hit.

So tonight was interesting...

I was hit by a car. Thankfully they weren't going that fast because it was in the parking lot, but I was thinking I shouldn't have gone out to get a haircut...

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to take some pills...

Airborne away

Kidding, I would never go Airborne... Those guys are insane.

However, next saturday (sept 27th), It looks like I'll be going skydiving. To be followed by paintball. A fun fun day. My only big fear, is that first step. The one where, after you take it, you're falling, and falling, and falling. It'll be a tandem jump, but what the heck. I love rock climbing and rappeling anyways, so why not take it one step further and jump out of a working plane right?

So I've got this week off, and half of next week. I have to decide though if I want to go to this conference that I have this comming weekend. It's up in the albany area, and shouldn't be too bad, but I'm on vacation for the time. I think just to save face for work I'll wind up going, but I'll be extra relaxed there.

Anyways, not a long shot tonight.. Just making sure the paintball guns are good to go, and sorting though artwork and pictures.

Time to move on...

So recently, I have discovered that it is time to move on. I need a new job. This one I find day after day is draining me of the will that I used to have, slowly taking a little of my happiness day by day.

Oddly enough, I decided to take about a 15 minute break from when I wrote that first paragraph to this new one. And in that amount of time, I found a job that I will be applying for. The job position doesn't close until Oct 8th, so I won't know until then if I am getting the job, but I'll spend some time today to try and get some insight as to where it might go. It comes to this, I am bored where I am, and I need to "move some rocks". I guess it's just time for a change, and with that change, maybe it'll finally be enough to push me to change some more in my life.

I know I want to find a new place to live, but that may not happen immediately. The new job, still in the military, isn't as far as I would have liked it. I wanted something that was far away from home so I would have to move... Instead, this is closer. I know I would like the job more, as it deals directly with, and only with, computers. Instead of my usual day to day routine, I would be supporting crucial systems. One of these days I may get out of this uniform, but it doesn't look like that day will be all too soon after all.

If I don't get this job? Well... I'll have to see where I'm lead from that point. I know I need a new one, I need a change, and I need that change soon. I was looking through facebook this morning before I left for work, and realised that even though I have been all over the world, I still wound up where I started. I need to make that big move, that move that changes the base of my life and stirs up something inside of me. Once I make that move, I need to find something more meaningful in my life, or more so, someone meaningful. I've pretty much given up on this for the time being. I was told by one of my friends to stay away from the person that I have a crush on, and I value that friendship enough to listen. I have no idea how long a new relationship would last right now, but I know friendships can last a lifetime.

On the topics of friendship, I find that I am very picky with my friends, which is probably why I have so few of them. But I know that each person I call my friend is someone that I hold true to me. I don't know why I am bringing this up right now, but it just stumbled to the top of my mind. If you've read anything from me before, you know that I just write whatever comes to the top, or whatever is stirring the most.

So I'll leave work today, knowing that I'm hopefully off to a new place. Maybe a better place, maybe not. It's hard to tell in advance, but I need something more stable than I have right now. It still is in question if I will have a job at all from my current one at the end of the "fiscal year" come Sept 30th. This is why I need something more stable, it will let me get out on my own, away from the boundaries that have held me for so long. Sadly, the army I am finding is not for me. I have found that, and have been told that, I have an aura of superiority about me. I tend to not treat people the same.

This said, the army is based on a ranking system, and I am not all too high on it myself. But I know what I am doing, I know how to do my job. The facts are, I know how to do my job better than almost anyone else, and if there is something I don't know? I learn it. It doesn't take me long, I pick up almost anything instantly. I guess with this, I have developed that attitude of being better than others. I know I shouldn't have it, but when someone that doesn't have the slightest clue about my job tries to tell me how to do it and I know they're wrong? I hate it. I despise them, and I just can't stand them. I know I'm better than them in that area. But what I have to look at is, are they better than me in another area? They might be older than me, but what can I learn from them, what can I take away from the experience I have had encountering them?

So there was my ramble. I know I tend to carry on about subjects that may seem unimportant, but to me they have been on my mind. This ability I have to instantly feel better than anyone that I know may not be as smart as me, will one day be my downfall, but how can I stop myself in something that I have grown up feeling? I'm the nerd, the geek, the smart one. I suppose no matter how hard I try I cannot get rid of some aspects that I know will hurt me.

I say I know they will hurt me, because a good friend at work, someone I truly respect told me so. This person treats me as pretty much an equal, and I give them the respect they deserve. Not because they are higher ranking than me... A lot higher ranking.... But because they earned and deserve the way I treat them. Maybe I judge to quickly, but I treat people as I feel they should be. If someone tries to tell me something wrong, I will let them know it as long as I can back myself up. If this is someone that I have known to be a wise person though I will be tactful. If however it is someone that always makes those silly comments, I might just let them know bluntly how I feel.

We shall see how this week turns out. I have the next week after off. All I know.... Is I need to get out of here, and this day will not end soon enough. Thank you for the insight your journal gave me Willow, it did start me thinking.